Building an Authentic Roleplay by Justin

“Let’s do a roleplay!”

Many of us have spoken or heard those words.  Yet, the concept of roleplay may mean different things to different people - and another common refrain is, “I don’t roleplay well because I just can’t act.”  

This blog is based on a workshop that Trevor and I gave at Bad Ass Weekend 2023 on one particular type of roleplay, which we have referred to as “authentic roleplay.”  In fact, we demonstrated this concept with a live authentic roleplay during the workshop.  For both of us, it felt like the audience melted away as the scene took over and guided us into a fully improvised and unplanned story that became reality.  

We started out with nothing more than identified roles (“Dad” for me and “son” for Trevor).  After spending a few moments independently discovering our characters, the audience selected an opening line for us to start with (“I had an interesting chat with Mr. Jenkins, our neighbor across the street”).  Neither of us had any idea why the fictional Mr. Jenkins had contacted me or what the outcome of our subsequent discussion would be (spoiler: It did turn out to earn a spanking, as I had learned that Trevor had broken Mr. Jenkins’ window with his soccer ball due to sheer carelessness and then, more significantly, had lied and not taken accountability for it).  We both became completely immersed in our roles and allowed the story to present itself as we worked, in sync as scene partners, to discover it - each reacting to the other.  The result was an amazing roleplay experience that left the audience so engaged that you could hear a pin drop.  This is the stuff of roleplay magic.

But how did we get there?          

Artwork by Madder

Generally speaking, the purpose of a roleplay spanking is to give or receive an adult spanking that imaginatively involves - as the name suggests - predefined roles that the Dom and sub occupy.  The variety of roles is almost endless since all that is needed is an understood dynamic of power and dominance.  It could be Dad/son, Teacher/student, Coach/jock, Boss/employee, Police Officer/offender, Bully/nerd, Space Alien/astronaut, Escort/john, Sergeant/cadet, Fraternity Member/pledge, or anything else you might imagine. 

In our book, Bad Lads, Strict Sirs, and the World of Adult Male Spanking, we dedicate a full chapter to roleplay (pp. 197-212), exploring its frequency, the forms that it may take, and some advice for building scenes.  

This is a powerful space.  Roleplay offers up a world in which you can allow your imagination to be set free and you can, even momentarily, slip away from reality and occupy another world.  It also requires us to be very deliberate in how we visualize “headspace.”  In virtually any scene, we may experience “Dom-space” or “sub-space,” depending on whether we are giving or receiving a spanking.  This is the natural rush of feelings that occurs simply from allowing ourselves to become immersed in the spanking experience.  These may include feelings of dominance and submission, relaxation or exhilaration, pleasure and satisfaction, caring and being cared for, and much more.  

Roleplay requires adding an additional layer of headspace on top of this.   Specifically, while also feeling our Dom-space and sub-space, we also feel the role that our characters occupy, and act in accordance with it.

At prior Bad Ass Weekends, Justin offered workshops on using improvisational acting techniques to build a roleplay headspace.  While chatting on the phone prior to one such presentation, Trevor asked, “would you like me to write something about what roleplay means to me?”  Justin enthusiastically agreed, and Trevor quite literally pulled his car to the side of the road, took out his phone, and penned the following - which remains one of the best descriptions of what a roleplay can be:

”Want to do a roleplay, you ask?  That question is like asking me to go on a trip to an unknown but exotic place.  Yes, let’s go.

”Role play isn’t acting, it’s not foreplay, and it’s not a ‘scene.’  It’s being someone else and somewhere else for a short moment in your life.

”It’s real.

”There isn’t a script to follow.  No cheesy lines heard across a thousand videos…what is said is felt in the moment.  I will tell my Dad how I feel.  I will beg to not be spanked because I don’t want to be spanked.  It hurts.  It’s embarrassing.  No son wants to be spanked.

“If you put me in the corner, I am going to genuinely feel bad.  I am not excited; I am nervous and ashamed.  If you tell me you are disappointed in me, I will carry that with me for a day the same way I will a bruise.  So treat me like you would a real son, because in that moment, that is what I am.

”Do I want to be held after you punish me?  You are asking if I am human and need to feel loved by my Dad after he punishes me.  Yes, I do.  Hold me until I can catch my breath, until I can release the butterflies of emotion.  Wait until I can stand back up, close my eyes, and return to reality.

”For some, roleplay moves their blood to another place…for me, it moves my mind and soul to another world.”

This is powerful.  So, how do we get there?

Let’s start with a distinction between acting and roleplay.  Acting focuses on character work, expression, script interpretation, and pre-planning.  Authentic roleplay is about freeing up the mind to be creative and living “in the moment” with choices and instincts.  In an authentic roleplay experience, you don’t know how you will feel yet - because the scene is unscripted and hasn’t been created yet.  

Let’s draw a distinction between two types of roleplay: a fun roleplay and an authentic roleplay.  

Fun roleplay is, of course, fun!  It’s also not too serious in emotion or depth of the actual scene.  A fun roleplay involves picturing or imagining what the role or character would act like and then “performing” or acting in that way for a short amount of time.  This is similar to acting because it’s first identifying the role, then thinking what the role “looks like,” and then selecting dialog based on that role.  In a diagram, we might see that the role is what dictates the words and physical responses.

Let’s take an example of a Coach/jock scene.  What would a Coach say?  Maybe refer to the jock by last name (“Hey Smith..”) and have some reference to a sport (“What happened out on the field?”).  The jock knows to address Coach as, well, “Coach,” and that he needs to ultimately agree to a punishment to stay on the team and to be macho about taking it.  The scene might be played with an imperceptible - or perceptible - grin.  The verbal component may be quick, the spanking may take any variety of forms (perhaps quick but very hard, perhaps longer and drawn out, perhaps leaning toward sensual play, or something else entirely).  But here’s the key:  The verbal component and the setting up of the “scene” is a tool to facilitate the spanking, which remains the most important part of the scene.  These can be really fun scenes, and add a touch of playfulness, or realism, or context, that advances a spanking.   Both parties know how the scene will go as soon as the roles are established.  While there is some room for improvisation, the roleplay almost serves in the same way a script might, as each participant goes into the scene knowing the sorts of words they will say and the sorts of actions they will take.

We have nothing against fun roleplay; it’s great and makes for a good time!  But let’s turn to the type of roleplay that we’re focused on here.  Authentic roleplay is more like improv; it’s about freeing up the mind to allow choices and instincts to emerge with no predefined script, which then allows headspace to deepen.  All you have is the role, and you don’t know what will happen or how the scene will develop.

In authentic roleplay, you’re not playing out a scene.  Instead, you become the scene.  

Let’s return to our diagram.  We still start with a role, and we then seek to identify with it such that we fully occupy the role.  To do this, we add a step - that is, we work to develop the emotions and feelings invoked by the role we take on.  Then, we react to what is presented not based on the role (e.g., what would a “Boss” do?) but rather based on the feelings and emotions that we feel inside.  These emotions drive us as if on auto-pilot with no need for pre-planning!  The authenticity in authentic roleplay comes from reaction based on feelings rather than on the role.  

But how do we do that?

Another diagram can give us a process.  

We start with the ROLE.  We need to answer a few questions, but don’t need to go far beyond them.  To establish the role, we might need to know who we are, where we are, what we’re doing, and if there are any important traits that are important to the scene or to the character.  Here’s an example.

• Coach:  In the locker room, trying to guide the team to a win in a very close and competitive season, waiting for star player to arrive late…again.

• Jock:  On the way to practice, knows he’s a star and athletically stronger than most of the team, knows today will be another practice scrimmage.  

That’s it - and that may even be almost too much - to start the process, but we’re not yet ready to jump into the scene.

Now, spend a few moments - this can be done in just a few minutes - focusing on FEELINGS.  This is personal to you, so step aside and work through it alone before jumping in with your scene partner.  This helps you go more deeply into the role and to internalize it, that is, to truly make it a part of you.  What are some ways we can do this?  

You may picture the qualities of your role and put those into your body.  How does it feel in your legs?  In your shoulders?  In your chest?  In your forehead?  Walk with that feeling.  Look around the room with that feeling.  RESPOND to what you see with that feeling.  Don’t worry about what the story is or where it’s going to go (because you really don’t know where it will go).   In life, we don’t know what’s next; nor do we in authentic roleplay.  What’s happening in this process is that you’re taking on the role and you’re physically showing it, in your eyes, your face, your voice, your gestures - and this is what your scene partner will react to.  (You may also want to check out not only the “Roleplay” book chapter referenced earlier, but also pages 175-179 on building headspace).

Now…begin the scene.  Allow yourself to simply REACT to any prompts based on the feelings you’ve developed - and let your partner see that.  For example, rather than saying, “I’m better than all the athletes,” allow your demeanor, your tone, your pose, to show that.  

As you allow your feelings to become visible to your scene partner, they will react accordingly.  Then, you can once again respond based on what you see your scene partner do and how your feelings guide you.  This allows you and your scene partner to be in a wonderful state of sync, reading and reacting to each other.  And, this is what ultimately allows the story to emerge!

Consider the power of what has happened here.  Rather than saying, “How would a Coach act” or “How would a jock act,” and letting that guide your dialog and actions, you are instead asking, “What do I see and how does my current emotional state cause me to react?”  In other words, you’re not reacting to the role, but rather to the feelings and emotions created by your current role and state.  

We’ve talked a lot about character, but you may also consider some visual props to help set a scene.  These are not required - many great scenes just “go with the flow” whenever and wherever two (or more) guys agree to play - but props can kick it up a notch.  

For that coach scene - How about a sports-themed uniform and a whistle and clipboard with some sports playbook drawings for the coach?  If you’re doing a school scene, how about a referral or detention slip, a backpack, and a chair positioned in front of a desk for that conversation with a roleplay principal - and even better if the principal has a file folder with your name on it, already stuffed with papers?  For a Doctor-patient spanking - perhaps for malingering and wasting the doctor’s valuable time - a pair of scrubs, an inexpensive stethoscope (it doesn’t need to be state-of-the-art) draped around the neck, a penlight in the pocket, and a clipboard and pen to refer to as a “chart”?  And the list could go on!

Props can really accentuate the scene, but there’s an important note.  You don’t need a full and detailed stage set!  Think about those two or three or four items that really help to define who you are and where you are, and it will help the rest of the scene fall into place.  

One very important reminder, as always, is to play safe.  Establish and follow limits, play with a safeword, and use your preferred safety framework (whether safe-sane-consensual, RACK, or another).  

If you’re seeking an authentic roleplay, go for it!  Allow the story to emerge without scripting it too much.  If you feel yourself breaking out of the role, look down; breathe; feel your feet on the floor or the air on your cheek and remember those feelings you built.  React to what you see, showing your feelings and letting those feelings guide your words, and live the roleplay journey!